I'm Glad I'm Not Alone

Mike forwarded this letter to me today. The young kids in Customer Service don't know how to deal with some of us older folks.

Dear Lord:
As I begin my day I ask you to please protect my friends and family as they go about their business.
Please make susre I don't bang toes or elbows into furiture, slop coffee all over myself, or slip and fall as I cross a major downtown intersection at high noon.
And when my synapeses have lapses, please don't let me call Tech Support to report I can't access the LAN before realizing I forgot to plug the Ethernet cord into my laptop, look Dan straight in the eye and call him "Dave", or freeze when my cell phone rings because I can't remember which button to push to get my call.
And, Lord, grant me the wisdom to decide if I should take advantage of that special offer from my local phone comopany and buy a "Smart Phone", even though I have a nagging suspicion that, like an animal, it will sense my fear and attack me.
At work today, help me stay focused and productive so I can support my team, create win/win solutions, contribute to my company's profitablility, and - what the heck is the name of that actor who starred with Meryl Streep in that movie about, um, clothes or something, I think he won an Oscar for another movie, oh, wait, let me see if they show him in the credits, yes, Stanley Tucci - and complete all the tasks on my To Do list.
And please prevent me from babbling at parties and causing people's eyes to glaze over within 10 seconds of conversing with me, followed by them beating a hasty retreat to the bar.
I thank you dear, uh, um, wait, it's right on the tip of my - didn't you win an Oscar in some movie with Charlton Heston and some calves and burning bushes - Hello? Are you there? Can you at least bring me a rum and Coke? And a few crackers?
Thanks. I mean, Amen. Oh, hell.

This is my response.

Dear Madam:
Thank you for your letter. I sympathize with your plight.
I found it helpful to develop an addiction to donuts when I experienced extreme stress or felt very insecure. Donuts are very comforting, as are M&M's. Just remember where you put them.
Feel free to contact me any time.
Sincerely,
The Big Guy